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Written by by Kaya McLaren
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Author of Church of the Dog
I love to paint, to feel the creamy goo under my brush. I spread it like butter across canvas. I paint simple things that make me happy, or I find beautiful. I love how paint allows the painter to editorialize her perception.
That said, I’ve seldom been pleased with the products of my painting. So, I just cover my canvas in another coat of Gesso, and enjoy painting it again. I like not feeling obligated to keep my mistakes. It makes mistakes appear to be what they really are, instead of permanent––simply experiences or maybe experiments. Often, I don’t even finish my paintings. It’s not about the paintings. It’s never been about the paintings.
During a windy snow storm years ago, my painting room was too cold to be in. Actually, anywhere beyond a four-foot radius of the woodstove was too cold to be. With a broken tv and nothing to do, I wondered what would happen if I approached writing like a painting. What would happen if I wrote a story like a meditation of simple things that make me happy, or moments I find beautiful? What would happen if I wrote without considering the product, but just enjoyed the process of creating? I wrote for six hours, fully intending to throw out my story. Instead I wrote a chapter a night in the bathtub, and still I did not intend to keep it. I simply loved the process of writing.
I do the same with songs too. Sometimes it just feels good to strum a little, sing a little and leave it at that. Sometimes sound waves bouncing around the house is all I need.
And every once in a great while, I’m reminded that when I enjoy my journey, the product will often embody the joy, and the joy will shine through the imperfections. Simply loving the texture of creamy paint, and the resonance of my guitar, has left me with a 6’x4’ painting of my dog swimming in Opal Lake, a beautiful lullaby for my nephew, and my first novel, Church of the Dog, all of which still make me smile.
©2008 Kaya McLaren - Kaya McLaren’s 1st book, Church of the Dog, is available from Penguin Books. visit: www.KayaMcLaren.com. |