The Messenger - The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die

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Tuesday, 07 October 2008

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The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die

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Written by John Izzo, PhD

true happiness comes
from focusing on being
of service and in the
process, joy finds us.

What are the secrets to happiness? Why do some people find a sense of purpose and die with few regrets, while others end their lives bitter and disappointed?

About two years ago, I set out to answer these questions by asking thousands of people to identify the one person they knew who had lived a long life and found true happiness. After receiving 1,000+ nominations, I interviewed 235 people from the age of 59-106 asking them to reflect back on their lives: What brought happiness? What gave meaning? What did they regret? What did they wish they had learned sooner? What did not matter in the end?

These “wise elders” were an incredibly diverse group ranging from a town barber to CEO’s, from poets to native chiefs, Holocaust survivors to war veterans, and represented all the major religions and cultures of our society. My goal was to identify ordinary people who had found extraordinary happiness. In my new book, The Five Secrets You Must Discover before You Die, I share the five paths to finding meaning in life and show how we can live these secrets.

The first secret: Be true to yourself. This means knowing what brings us happiness and focusing our life on what matters to us. It means regularly reflecting as to whether our life fits our soul. It also means following our unique destiny. Each of us has a way we are meant to be in the world. Being true to self often means drowning out voices that ask us to live their dreams, instead of ours. Ron, a gifted chiropractor, told me he planned to become a medical doctor, but when visiting a chiropractor before starting medical school, he discovered a profession that connected to his true self. “Others told me I was crazy, but I knew it was my path.” You must have the “discipline to listen and the courage to follow.” This means asking if the life we are living is true to our deepest sense of self. It sometimes requires a step of courage to follow our soul.

The second secret: Leave No Regrets. What we fear most as we age, is not death, but rather to come to the end of our life feeling we never truly lived––the great incompleteness; that you did not do what you came here to do. One of the most interesting things I discovered is that almost no one regretted risks they took that did not work out, and most said they wished they had risked more. When I asked these people about major crossroads in their lives, many talked about taking risks, which wound up bringing great happiness. One of the keys to moving towards what we want, instead of what we fear, is to focus on the best possible result and not the worst. Are you going for what you truly want in your life or acting with fear?

Become Love was the third secret. Not surprisingly, the greatest source of happiness and the largest place of regret had to do with people. Those who made people a priority in their lives and who developed deep personal relationships found true happiness. Many of them told me “things” rarely brought true joy, whereas family and friends brought lasting happiness. Being a loving person––the choice to give love––is even more important in determining happiness than getting it. They talked to me about the importance of choosing love and kindness as your way in the world. When we choose to be loving, we find a deep sense of meaning in life.

The fourth secret was to Live the Moment. Life goes by fast and it is important to enjoy each moment. Among the secrets they shared were how important it is to live in the present, to fully enjoy whatever experience you are having (and not to wish you were somewhere else), and to live with gratitude––focusing on what you are grateful for, rather than what you don’t have. We have no power over the past and little power over the future. When you find yourself saying “I will be happy when, or if,” it is important to remember happiness is a choice we make inside. One woman told me: “You have to stop judging your life and start living your life. Stop keeping score, trying to decide if you are winning. Instead, live each day fully staying in the moment.”

The fifth secret: Give More Than You Take. When I asked people what gave their life the greatest meaning, I was told “knowing you made things better, because you were here”. We have little control over what we get from the world every day (whether people will love us, whether we will win the lottery), but we have complete control over what we give to the world (whether we choose to be kind and charitable). All the spiritual traditions remind us true happiness comes from focusing on being of service and in the process, joy finds us.

I also discovered it is not enough to know the secrets, we must live them. I share many of their techniques in the book. This past year I had the privilege to sit at the feet of 235 of the wisest people I have ever met and I was amazed how clear they were on what mattered, what didn’t matter, and how each of us can create a better life for ourselves.

DR. JOHN IZZO, author and speaker presents to over 100 audiences annually. He shares his insights and spiritual wisdom from over 20 years in the personal and professional development industry. www.TheIzzoGroup.com

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