Gardener's with a "Green Thumb" are not just lucky. They love the plants they are working with and give them attention. They are tuned in to when they need watering, trimming, or plant food--they truly care about these plants. And so it is with our relationships. Those relationships we nurture and give attention to--have the capacity to bloom and thrive. Although one of the tricky parts about paying attention to a relationship, is watching our mind and not letting it go off on wild tangents. Our minds have the ability to write whole scenarios, based on the skimpiest of "facts."
We are told that we need to pay attention to our thoughts and let go of negative thinking as soon as we recognize it. The wrenching thing is, however, that these words of wisdom don't just apply to the little negative thoughts that appear daily--someone cuts you off with their car, someone takes too long to make a decision, or a hundred and one other "little" problems that seem to plague us. It also is supppose to apply to the really big thoughts that stir fear, or anxiety within you, gut twisting reactions from a mind that has worked overtime. This is where the real work begins. Everything else is just practice. And even with a lot of practice on the little stuff, the big stuff seems to always comes as a surprise.
During the past few weeks, I have watched as my mind went off into tangents, based on suppositions and speculation, destroying a friendship which was very important to me. After much pain, I was finally able to crawl out from the cramped little cocoon I had constructed for myself and into the light of day.
When we allow our thinking to dwell on the "ain't it awful" type of thinking--that someone is doing something to me or that they are doing something wrong--we begin a downward spiral that keeps building upon itself. Then, we find that what we have built is a veil through which we are seeing life. A veil that has dulled our clarity and cast a shadow over all in our line of vision.
At this point in my cycle, I had the presence of mind to contact a third party, who could lend some sanity to the craziness I had been living in. After she shared some examples, which ran contrary to the pictures I had painted, I began to entertain the possiblity that what I was thinking was not accurate.
And, although I had some physical and mental relief, the chaos that thinking had caused still lingers on.
And, for all the pain that thinking has caused, I am so sorry Nicki.