...you can control how you talk to yourself, regarding what others say to you.

Matt, age six, came into the house crying hysterically. Tears flowed down his cheeks and he couldn't catch his breath. I put him on my lap and held him close. His breathing slowed as I rubbed his back, but the tears continued.

"Randy," he blurted out between sobs

"Randy hit you?" 

...when one of my students makes a mistake, I rejoice. It gives me an exciting opportunity to help all my students learn to become more effective human beings.The annual Board of Education dinner was running smoothly. The meal was hot, tasty, and filling. Entertainment, provided by the high school's drama club, consisted of a short play acted by several juniors and seniors. It was intended to be light and lively, leaving the audience entertained and amused. It didn't work out that way.

Not many parents set out to raise a thirty-year-old Nintendo player who sprawls on the couch all day sucking up pizza and diet Pepsi. Yet many parents actually subvert their positive intention of raising responsible, confident, fully functioning children. They do it by unconsciously using Parent Talk that allows and encourages helplessness.

Can eliminating certain foods from the diet improve autistic symptoms such as social withdrawal, repetitive behavior, communication difficulties, anxiety and hyperactivity

Exerpted with permission from Children of the New Earth - Summer 2003. To subscribe, visit their site at: www.childrenofthenewearth.com or call (858) 268-9929.

One important function of families is that of support and encouragement without judging, evaluating, rating and ranking the efforts of one another.

Sara spent an hour one Saturday afternoon tossing a small beach ball at a plastic basketball hoop her fatherhad brought home from a garage sale. Her first efforts missed the hoop by several feet. None of them hit the backboard. Her father stood by, retrieving each shot and returning the ball to her for another attempt. He also made descriptive comments after each shot. His Parent Talk was deliberate and focused. He gave supportive comments that were limited to describing what happened.

What are those around you learning from your reactions to your mistakes? 

In Anchorage, Alaska, a first-year teacher made a spelling error on the board. And a well-intentioned student pointed out the mistake. At the moment, the rookie educator probably didn't realize that this event firmly connected her to all teachers everywhere. No teacher has escaped this defining moment. How a teacher handles this important event can set the tone for the rest of the school year.

In Vancouver, British Columbia, a third-grade teacher thanked the student for being willing to take a risk by speaking up and pointing out the error. Her appreciative reaction let her students know it is permissible to speak up and question the teacher in this classroom.

In a Vero Beach, Florida, classroom a middle-school science teacher confessed, "What a silly mistake that was!" By making fun of himself to show his humanness, he inadvertently informed the class that mistakes are silly and if you make them in this classroom ridicule could follow.

A Longview, Texas, high-school teacher reacted to the public disclosure of his mistake by thanking the student for pointing it out and leading a discussion of what could be learned from that mistake. Discussion themes included:

1. If you try to go too fast, errors happen.
2. Mistakes can be corrected.
3. Mistakes can lead to learning.
4. Mistakes are not good or bad--but simply data you can use to improve and grow.
5. Mistakes are valuable.
6. If you're not making some mistakes, maybe you're not learning anything.
7. You can't do anything about a mistake if you are not aware of it.
8. What you do after learning you made a mistake is your choice.
9. Erasers have a purpose, and they don't work by themselves.

The scenarios above represent only a small portion of the possible responses that a teacher could make when being confronted with a mistake by a student.

What are those around you learning from your reactions to your mistakes? Whatever reaction you choose in this important situation, you can be assured of one thing. Others are watching and learning something. Are you offering that lesson with intentionality? Are you purposefully defining that defining moment?

CHICK MOORMAN...Exerpted from Parent Talk by Chick Moorman. Chick and Thomas Haller are authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. See more of Chick's work at: www.ChickMoorman.com, e-mail: ipp57@aol.com or call him at: 877-360-1477.