Picture this scenario if you will: a society thriving with positive thinking and reinforcement; one that’s built on reward for positive behavior rather than punishment. There are no fines, penalties, traffic tickets, fear based reality television shows, spankings––the list can continue indefinitely. All of these are familiar because we live in a society that is fabricated on fear and punishment. We are not necessarily rewarded for positive behavior. It’s only natural then, that behavior patterns derived from our upbringing in this kind of society filter into our relationships, family and pets.

Children afraid of expressing themselves build up tensions and, when older, may resort to other forms of expression which can be abusive. Children are extremely sensitive to the responses (or lack of) that they receive from their parents. A neglected and abused child is ripe for destructive patterns to take hold in their psyche. Unfortunately, we’re trained through example that when a misdeed has been committed, a higher wrong is often a solution. Coercion through fear is rampant in our society. Actually, motivation through fear and fear of punishment is insidious and ingrained in many societies. We learn this and carry it into other areas of our lives. It also seeps into the collective unconscious, where we can’t help but pick up the “vibes.”

One example incorporating abuse in relationships is “If you don’t do this for me, I won’t love you anymore.” Abuse comes in many forms, not just violence. Manipulations such as withholding affection, depriving the partner of something or the silent treatment are equally punishing. Pressing the other person’s buttons and playing on their insecurities also fits this mold. Abuse can be subtle or dramatic. It can be physical, emotional or mental. Anyone use profanity on you today? It’s a blast of negative energy meant to have a very specific effect on the “beneficiary.”

A person who is emotionally imbalanced carries that over into both the work environment and personal relationships. How many of us have had to contend with a controlling, Napoleanic or bullying boss? We forget that they are also “victims” of punishment and abuse. They have learned that this particular behavior brings them power, and therefore the possibility of avoiding pain or rejection.

When a client talks about how her boyfriend is always late for their dates, or how her needs and requests are constantly ignored, I point out that this is a form of punishment. As we delve deeper into the situation, we usually discover a pattern (usually karmic as well) within the client that’s inviting these negative relationships into her life. What kind of relationships and people are you attracting? Looking at oneself, or self-exploration, is the key to change. Your partner may never change his behavior, due to denial or brainwashing by his own experiences growing up. We can only change ourselves.

There are many enlightening books on overcoming destructive patterns, emotional abuse and how to heal these issues. They all agree that women tend to identify with the “victim” and are therefore inclined to tolerate abusive situations longer. (For the sake of this article I have concentrated on women, but of course it goes both ways.) However, these situations don’t have to be permanent. Once a client recognizes her behavior and the role she’s playing out, (such as the co-dependent, pleaser, martyr or drama junkie) we can name the root cause of it, release the trauma and emotional pain, and start to reprogram the behavior. Subpersonalities are acknowledged and reprogrammed. We close the aura if there are energy leaks, the third and second chakras (which hold images of this lifetime and past lives that contribute to the patterns) are cleared, aligned and replaced with positive energy and images. If you recognize yourself or a past/current situation, look inward for answers as the path to self-improvement and peace. The more we know ourselves, the more we know others too.

I would like to invite readers to e-mail me any questions or suggestions for future articles at christineloter@aol.com. I would love to do a question and answer column based on genuine curiosity and openness to this extraordinary, multi-dimensional universe.

© 2003 Christine A. Loter

Christine A. Loter, Board certified advanced clinical hypnotherapist and clairvoyant intuitive counselor, has an extensive background in healing, metaphysics and paranormal research. She works by phone or in-person to remove and rework obstacles and blocks to a client's life purpose, awareness, healing journey and self-empowerment. 805-560-0480 Santa Barbara.