We’ve all experienced the unique rhythm of growth inherent with relationships. Love can flow to deeper levels of intimacy or become stuck and conflicted. Conflict can take the form of dissatisfaction with someone’s habits or their style of relating emotionally. When we’re unhappy with our partner, for example, we may want to change them and make them into something they are not. Our expectations or pictures of how the relationship, or our partner’s behavior should be, have been violated. This violation creates tension and discord in the relationship. But it doesn’t have to remain that way. Balance can be achieved and the relationship can improve immeasurably.

A client of mine was having a hard time coping with her partner’s sloppiness. He didn’t think he was sloppy. She would criticize his lack of organization according to her standards. Needless to say, a healthy amount of negative energy was generated between them. Displaced, smelly socks became symbolic of man’s last bastion of territorial conquest and dominance! There were other issues as well (on both sides), but as we discovered in session with my client, it boiled down to her need for control and that she was never "heard" or acknowledged as a child. What she said or thought didn’t matter to her parents. And now she had attracted a mate who apparently wasn’t listening to her either, since he persisted in his "sloppiness". Once she realized a deep childhood wound was being triggered, we concentrated on healing the root cause and layers of emotion. It took time, but now she has greater tolerance and patience, and has learned to let go of the little things and accept her partner.

As is often the case, in order to get to that point of self-acceptance, we need to examine our makeup. The old adage is: if something outside yourself is bothering you, it’s usually a reflection of something within that needs to be examined and changed. As we remove blockages to letting go, we gain greater self-acceptance and trust, opening our hearts to the flow of universal energy and infinite possibilities.

We can stretch this concept even further. Imagine the consequences if the majority of human beings achieved self-acceptance, self-love, and were in a state of functional joy. Consciousness would be raised, which would help alter and dissolve many of the destructive patterns and conditions in force on earth currently. There are many reasons to heal ourselves. For, in doing so, we become the pebble tossed in a lake, whose beingness creates the ripples that touch upon the furthest shores, affecting change throughout.

©Copyright 2003 Christine A. Loter

Christine A. Loter, Board certified advanced clinical hypnotherapist and clairvoyant intuitive counselor, has an extensive background in healing, metaphysics and paranormal research. She works by phone or in-person to remove and rework obstacles and blocks to a client's life purpose, awareness, healing journey and self-empowerment. 805-560-0480 Santa Barbara.