It was my job to care for her every need, and I did it gladly. If you read my article and blog about After a while she calmed down. Jean (French for John), my stepdad, came over and took her hand. She stood up and transformed into the healthy beauty that she was when they first married. They walked into the light together and the dense astral matter on the floor disappeared.
In a meditation afterward, I discovered that the vision I had of her before was her dream. She was asleep in the astral form and dreaming that she was young, healthy, and with Jean. Allen, my wise hubby, kept telling me that she probably wouldn't be awake yet and it would be a few days before she woke up to discover that she was dead. I wanted to believe the vision I had, so I dismissed it. He was right and I'm glad I could help her transition into the light.
Did that stop the grief? I thought it would, but it didn't. I still collapsed into puddles of self-pity and tears. A part of me was okay. A part of me was definitely not okay.
Then, a voice in my head reminded me that I know how to deal with grief. I know how to transmute grief into gratitude and fond memories that make me feel good about having had her in my life instead of sadness that she was no longer there and guilt that I hadn't done enough for her, and so on. I remembered that I knew how to transmute energies.
Unfortunately, before I was able to really finish that work, my beautiful, precious kitty, Pumpkin revealed a hidden heart problem that came out during the stresses of a chaotic house and everyone's sadness. The Vet said that it was an inherited condition. No cure and the treatment would be long and hard. I opted to not have her suffer this and had her put down.
Waves of pain and grief made me an emotional basket case. I was totally unable to think or function. The voice reminded me again, that I knew how to change this. So I took a day off from the baziillion things that needed to be done about finances, estate, selling her books, crystals, and preparing for the yard sale, and more. I made cookies and baked bread—all very therapeutic for me. I hid out in my bedroom and practiced my breathing yoga - Kriya to prepare me for the work to come. I chanted and breathed in a special way.
I went into a deep meditation. The one we teach in 3rd degree Re Hu Tek training. It is where there is nothing but void and silence. It is dissolving into divine consciousness. I went to work on the grief. Using Re Hu Tek subtle energy techniques, I transmuted the chemicals causing the grief into gratitude and love. I called into my mind, all the people in my life and beloved pets that have gone on to the big whoop in the sky. I remembered them with love and peace. It felt good to think about them. These positive feelings needed to be transferred to my painful memories of mother and Pumpkin.
After about an hour or a little more, I felt a lifting of weight and darkness. I felt light, happy, filled with loving feelings for having had such a wonderful mother and such a special kitty in my life. I continued the process for another hour, fine-tuning, testing, and making sure all the "loose ends" were handled.
This has worked. I feel gratitude, love, and reminiscent when thinking about the wonderful things my mother did for me, how we were best friends for so many years, and how much she taught me about life, spirit, and myself. She was a dynamic, independent, powerful woman. She was a respected and revered metaphysical teacher for over 40 years. I loved her. I still love her and am overjoyed that she is no longer in pain and misery. I was a lucky daughter.
As for my little Pumpkin, I remember her and smile. She brought a lot of love to my life and I am happy with the decision made to NOT drag out miserable treatments and hospital stays that would, in the end, do nothing but make her last days a living hell.
I'd love to hear your thoughts about all of this. We humans are complex and illogical creatures, but also powerful and beautiful when we put our minds to it.
Namaste,
Anita
