I have always liked to just sit and "daydream." Until recently, I have almost always felt guilty for that, seeing it as a fault - a sign of laziness. As a young girl, I would sit alone in the family living room, just reflecting; but the moment I would hear someone coming into the room, I would immediately look around or pick up a book and pretend that I was reading or some such thing. I now recognize that those times of quiet reflection are vital to my well-being. It is crucial for balancing the dominant analytical left-brain side of my nature. And because another of my "weaknesses" has been a sense of insecurity around other people, my quiet time has also been important to keep me centered in my sense of who I am (rather than losing myself in others' expectations of me). As a strong "C" type personality, I treasure my "alone time." Whereas others may become depressed and restless when alone with nothing to do, to me, those are sacred moments - a spontaneous meditation - a communion with Source, my God, my Inner Divinity. Hence, my propensity to "daydreaming," which otherwise might be perceived as a fault, is, for me, quite the opposite. It is a gift - one which I have come to honor.
Indeed, if I ignore this gift, (which I did for many years), and force myself into what I have conceived to be "productive action," I invariably end up spinning my wheels, spending endless time, energy, and money into "pragmatic" and "responsible" activities which have failed miserably over the years, all because I failed to stop and daydream; I failed to listen to and trust my heart, my inner voice.
Consequently, when I had a yearning to become a natural healer, I sent away for information for countless schools of herbology and naturopathy; yet I applied to none of them. Instead, I took the "sensible" route and got involved with real estate. I invested thousands of dollars in rental properties and seminars. I did appraising for a short time, and then went into sales. Sales? I, who hung up on telemarketers - I, who slammed the front door in the faces of salesmen, decided to go into real estate sales. Even my kids knew better. They were incredulous. If they were playing in the front yard when a salesman approached the house, they would divert him, advising him, out of sympathy, not to approach our front door. I was very hostile to sales people in those days. Yet I decided to be one of them, out of "practicality'" even though my heart was somewhere else entirely.
Had I allowed myself to quietly reflect, and paid attention then to my Inner Voice and honored it, being true to myself instead of blindly taking the "practical," "responsible" approach, I could have saved myself many years of hardship, time, money, energy, and stress. I might also have been much further ahead as far as credentials and experience in my calling as a holistic practitioner. Or would I? My greatest qualifications in this area today are a result of my biggest mistakes in life. I never would have acquired the small wisdom and inner peace which I enjoy today if I had not caused myself so much unnecessary suffering over the years. So there you go. Each of us is at that exact point in life whether we are meant to be - mistakes and all.
In fact, as much as we would all rather do without hardship and suffering, without them we might all be superficial spoiled brats. How could we ever grow and mature as spiritual beings if we do not experience the darkness, which allows us to appreciate and enjoy the light?
And so we come to realize that, as much as we think that we want everything in our lives to be rosy, good fortune is not necessarily always in our best interest. It follows that, ultimately, it doesn't really matter what circumstances befall us in life. If we experience good fortune, we experience happiness, albeit often fleeting. If we experience misfortune, we suffer; however, we eventually learn from our suffering (when we open ourselves to the possibility); we gain strength and wisdom; and we experience greater, long-lasting peace and joy as a result. Our hearts fill with love and gratitude. We become closer to our true inner nature.
Remember that if you subscribe to the view that we are all manifestations/children of God (whatever that word means to you), then if you look deep enough into the mirror, that is what you will see.
Therefore, we would be wise to give thanks for our trials and tribulations; they can lead us on a spiritual path to Nirvana.
Enjoy the journey!
About the Author
After spending years raising my family and feeling that I needed to be forever busy, analytical, responsible, and pragmatic, I finally recognized that the resultant neglect of my inner being had sabotaged my success in life. In 2007, as I faced the depression and frustration of menopause, multiple failed careers, huge debt, an almost failed marriage, parenting issues, and an emptying nest, I was determined not to resign myself to an old age of bitterness. I, therefore, ventured on a quest of inner development, beginning with a personal assignment to discover the meaning of Lao Tsu’s words, “Do nothing, and nothing shall be left undone.”
Along the way I have learned to take responsibility for my own happiness, and that by being true to my innermost being, peace and joy become totally independent of external circumstances. However, these are things that I learned intellectually long before I was able to put my freshly gleaned knowledge into practice. Such words of wisdom too often seem to be easier said than done. I reached a point where I recognized that I just needed a subtle shift in my psyche to change a very pessimistic attitude, which had, over the years, worn such a deep, deep rut that it had become difficult to see over the edge.
It was about that time when I stumbled upon a flier for an Aka Dua workshop. Although my evolutionary journey has certainly been a product of many, many factors, the Aka Dua seemed, for me, to be a critical missing puzzle piece in the healing of my life web. As I learned to work with the Aka Dua energy, it became a simple matter to shift my emotions from anger, depression, and anxiety to peace, joy, and gratitude – all in the matter of an instant. It is an empowering experience which I am driven to share with anyone who may be faced with similar challenges or who may simply be interested in living their own inner greatness.
