We very easily fall into patterns. I just spent a couple weeks moving into a studio apartment. Each day was filled with sorting, boxing, moving those boxes, putting them away in the new place, going to bed and taking the empty boxes back over to begin the process again the next day. When the moving, sorting and putting away were through, I nervously stood in my new home, looking around and wondering what I should do next.
The very first day was spent seeing how many times I could make a run to bank, post office, drop by on one of my kids or friends...anything to get me out of the space that reminded me a cycle had just closed down. It took until the third day to actually begin to relax, breathe, and sit down with a book--to read, not just put away in the bookshelf.
We are creatures of habit. Those habits can be formed by patterns being imposed upon us, or by those we choose for ourselves. We consciously create a pattern. We inhabit the pattern--we start to live it. Then, when we begin to out grow the pattern, we wonder who we are becoming. Given that this pattern is no longer mine...who am I beyond the pattern?
Any change can start this process of who am I. It can be as simple as having a child leave the home or as complex as leaving a job or retiring, or moving from health to illness or even from illness to health--like the lobster that has to leave the shell because it has grown beyond the pattern it has been carrying.
The anxiety comes because you released a pattern you identified as who-you-are. And the anxiety is a call to a deeper question of who-I-am really
The anxiety asks me to look at that question and come to a deeper identifcation of the essense that is me. As I receive such glimpses, a peace that "passeth understanding" flows into my being.
When we experience anxiety, it is not because we have done something wrong or that there is something wrong with me...it is our essence calling us to a deeper understanding of ourselves and our connection to something much larger than our patterns.
Love and Blessings,
Thank you to my dear friend, Rev Kris Collins, for her shared insights.