Many years ago my mentor told me, “Take whatcha got and make whatcha want.”

As we enter this new year, we all want to change our lives for the better. The question is, how? There are two ways you can change your life:
(1) Change your conditions; and
(2) Change your mind.

Sometimes you can change your conditions. Always you can change your mind. Ultimately, mastering your mind yields far more success and reward than rearranging conditions.

I heard about a man who saw a fellow fishing from the bank of the river. The fisherman caught a small fish and tossed it into a small bucket. Then he caught a large fish and cast it back into the river. Curious, he asked, “Why do you keep only the small fish?”

“It’s simple,” answered the fisherman. “I have this frying pan here that’s about nine inches wide. Only the smaller fish fit in the frying pan, so they’re the ones I keep.”

The frying pan, in this story, represents our mind and the beliefs we hold. If you allow into your life only the things that match your current beliefs, the world you live in will be only as large as those beliefs––but then you miss out on lots of bigger fish! Instead of limiting life to your old frying pan, get a bigger one and embrace all that life has to offer. You can go to the ocean with a thimble, a cup, or a tanker, and you will come back with a volume of water equal to the size of the receptacle you bring. So bring a big one!

My friend Drake is a landscaper who had numerous small accounts. One day one of his customers, a wealthy man with a large estate, invited Drake to work on his property full time. “What is your dream of how good this job could be?” the owner asked Drake.

Drake told him he would have to think about it. He went home and wrote down all the aspects he could picture for his ideal job. A week later Drake revisited his notes and realized what he had written did not represent his entire dream. So he expanded the salary, equipment, and working conditions. Several weeks later Drake came back to his written vision and realized it still wasn’t big enough. This process went on for three months, with Drake’s dream job continually expanding on paper. Finally he felt what he had written was big enough to match what was in his heart and mind. He took the paper to his prospective employer and showed it to him. The fellow read the paper, thought for a moment, and answered, “Sounds good to me.” Now Drake is living his dream job. He took what he had and made what he wanted.

The key to taking what you have and making what you want is to reframe. Find a way to look at every experience so it empowers you. After the great Argentinean golfer Robert De Vincenzo won a tournament, he received his check and began walking to his car in the parking lot. There he was approached by a young woman who told him her child was seriously ill, near death. She did not know how she could pay the doctor’s bills and hospital expenses. De Vincenzo was so touched by her story that he endorsed his winning check and pressed it into her hands with the loving wish, “Make some good days for the baby.” A few days later a golf official told him, “That woman you met in the parking lot is a phony. She has no sick baby. She fleeced you, my friend.” “You mean there is no baby who is dying?” asked De Vincenzo. “That’s right,” answered the official. “Well,” De Vincenzo responded, “That’s the best news I’ve heard all week.”

I wish you a new year of news that is good because you choose to find it, and a wish list that is so magnificent the universe has no choice but to fill it.

The Addict and the Sage

I heard about a psychologist who was assigned to work with a young man with a long history of drug addiction. Jack showed up in Dr. Estelle Parsons’ office with a thick dossier of troubles and dire diagnoses. As Dr. Parsons began to interview Jack, he launched into many stories and justifications for his addictive behavior. But she did not go there with him. “Tell me about what you did this week that was not addictive,” she summoned him. At first, Jack could not think of much of his week unrelated to his addiction. Then gradually, over months of therapy, Dr. Parsons was able to elicit more and more information about the healthy Jack. At some point the focus of the sessions shifted from Jack’s ineptitude to aspects of his life that he had mastered. Jack began to identify with his strength and take pride in it. Eventually he dropped his addiction entirely. Dr. Parsons was the first therapist who was able to accomplish this extraordinary transformation with this patient.