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Relationships are, without a doubt, great breeding grounds for personal growth. Yet how many of us actually master the inherent lessons in our relationships? Relationships may pull us into our own growth, however we often end them before we have a chance to develop. If we don’t examine and learn from one association, we take the lessons and drama into our next one.

We need to pray to and ask our Spirit Guides: what are the lessons out of this relationship? What are we meant to learn? What is the specific karma? Connection and communication with our Spirit Guides can illuminate the most convoluted aspects of our relationships. They can enlighten us on the main pointers that will help us in future partnerships. Let’s not omit our partner’s Spirit Guide either. Since each person’s Spirit Guide is in the same household, we can request that they work as a team along with us to help the relationship.

The lessons themselves usually revolve around major character flaws that only a close relationship can pinpoint. Our partner can confront us with truth about ourselves, yet we may become defensive, give excuses or blame them in anger. However, these things need to be heard and taken seriously. Usually our partner isn’t only speaking about us; they’re also talking about themselves. It may have taken them a great amount of courage to speak their truth and not walk off in pride and denial.

Before our next relationship, we should ask ourselves if we’ve graduated the school of John or Mary. Did we learn the lessons and burn off the karma from the previous relationship? Have we healed abusive wounds? What kind of karma was involved? A couple indications of karmic relationships are unusually strong emotions and certain types of chemistry. Keep in mind that not all relationships are negatively karmic by design. Most people view karma as a negative thing with difficult lessons, rather than an opportunity to grow. Relationships afford us the gift to work off our karma. It also allows us the opportunity to see ourselves through the eyes of other people.

Depending on what’s holding us in the relationship, we have to know when to cut our losses. When circumstances become too abusive and we can’t take it emotionally anymore, it’s best to leave, while continuing to work on the trauma and lessons until they’ve been cleared. The lesson could be a mirror of our own behavior leading to insights into ourselves. Understanding oneself can motivate us toward change.

Before you walk into that next relationship, have closure on the previous one. As mentioned earlier, one of the things necessary for closure is to be cognizant of what we need to learn. Like a “life review,” have a relationship review without judgement, and be detached as you write down good and bad points and some things you wished to change in your partner and yourself. Some people act too quickly to form a new relationship in order to put behind the old one. Include in the review such questions as why am I entering into this next relationship? Is it to recover from the loneliness of the last one, get back at the other person, repair the ego, or enter some kind of healing relationship? Doing this review is salvaging for the heart. Move through forgiveness to gratitude for that particular relationship. When you get to gratitude, reassess the relationship again, reviewing it and moving to another level of forgiveness and gratitude (as it brings up new stuff), so there’s no rollover of any negative feelings into the next situation. The heart will then be open to allow and invite the next relationship.


Christine A. Loter, Board certified advanced clinical hypnotherapist and clairvoyant intuitive counselor, has an extensive background in healing, metaphysics and paranormal research. She works by phone or in-person to remove and rework obstacles and blocks to a client's life purpose, awareness, healing journey and self-empowerment. 805-560-0480 Santa Barbara.