Being real. Well that sounds easy enough doesn’t it? In working with lots of people in groups and one-on-one, this seems to be one of the biggest challenges they have in their day-to-day lives. How can we help ourselves and those in our lives get real?

What does being real mean?

The real self has the capacity to experience a wide range of feelings and identify its own unique individuality, wishes, dreams, and goals. The real self has high self-esteem, is able to soothe painful feelings, makes and sticks to commitments and expresses its needs assertively. It can express the self fully and honestly to others and to self.

Why are we Unreal?

We learn in our early years to hide our authentic self to be safe and “normal.” We adopt a self that meets the rules of the world around us, the culture and society we live in.

What keeps us from being real is the feeling of “its of no use” so why bother? Fatalism is an attitude we adopt when we live as victims of circumstances. What we need is faith to keep real. When we KNOW there is a greater power that can transform us from victims into action takers and that power is always present. Notice your thoughts, speech, and actions - are they based on fatalism or faith?

“Worry is the dark room
in which negatives are developed.”
- Bumper sticker

What does your being real do to the illusion around YOU?

John Welwood, in Towards a Psychology of Awakening talks about “world collapse” that happens when we step away from our false self. He says that each of us must eventually face a central human experience that will shake us to our root. We usually try to ignore it, wrapping ourselves in habitual routines to avoid having to face it. World collapse occurs when the props that have supported our life give way unexpectedly. Suddenly, the meaning our life previously had seems to lack weight and substance and no longer nourishes us as it once did. Have you ever had such an experience?

John Welwood, in Towards a Psychology of Awakening talks about "world collapse" that happens when we step away from our false self. He says that each of us must eventually face a central human experience that will shake us to our root. We usually try to ignore it, wrapping ourselves in habitual routines to avoid having to face it. World collapse occurs when the props that have supported our life give way unexpectedly. Suddenly, the meaning our life previously had seems to lack weight and substance and no longer nourishes us as it once did. Have you ever had such an experience?