Site Web Get a free search engine for your site

Nov/Dec 2002 Life Lessons: The Lesson of Love by David Kessler

David Kessler is the director of Palliative Care for Citrus Valley Hospice in West Covina and co-author of LIFE -LESSONS: Two experts on death and dying teach us about the mysteries of life and living, with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Amazon named it one of the best spiritual books of the year.

To open our heart, after pain, we must be open to seeing differently. When we close our hearts, when we are intolerant, it’s often because we don’t know what is going on with the other person. We don’t understand them; we don’t know why they don’t return our calls or why they’re so loud, so we don’t love them. We are so ready to talk about our hurt, our pain, and how we have been wronged. The truth is, we betray one another by not freely giving our smiles, our understanding, our love. We withhold the greatest gifts God has given us. Our act of withholding is much more serious than what the other person might or might not have done to us.

Late one night, a ninety-eight-year-old woman spoke about life and love. “I was raised by a mother who distrusted men. They were only to be used for financial security. I became my mother’s daughter and never let love into my life. Why should I ask for such trouble? The only man I ever cared for and trusted was my brother. He was everything to me. He married a wonderful woman. When I was in my late twenties, he became very ill. We sat together in the hospital and somehow we both knew he was going to die. I told him I didn’t want to live in a world without him. He told me how much life had meant to him and that if this was it, he wouldn’t change a thing. Except me. He said, ‘I am afraid you are going to miss life, your life, and you’ll miss love. Don’t miss love. Everyone on this journey we call life should have an experience of love. It untimately doesn’t matter who or when or for how long you love. It just matters that you do. Don’t miss it. Don’t take the journey without it.’

“I had a life because of my brother’s message. I could have continued to not trust men, I could have become less of a woman, less of a person. But I fought past my mistrust and my fears. I have tried to have the life he wanted me to have. He was so right. To have this time, this life, and not love would be to have not experienced life fully.”

Many of us learned about “love,” or actually, protection, just as this woman did. We learned early not to trust men, women, marriage, parents, in-laws, coworkers, our bosses, and even life itself. We were taught by well-meaning people who felt they were acting in our best interests. They didn’t realize they were setting us up to miss out on love.

But in our hearts we know we are destined to live fully, to love fully, and to have great adventures in life. Maybe the feeling is buried deep within, but it’s there, waiting to be brought out by an action, or an event, perhaps a word from someone else. Our lessons may come from unexpected places, such as children...be ready for your lessons.