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“Patience is a virtue.” Ever hear that one? It means that patience is a good thing. Well, the only time we need patience is when things aren’t going the way we want them to. It’s the way we’re supposed to handle delay and frustration.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m faced with delay and frustration, patience isn’t usually my first choice! Even if I suspect that patience might be the best answer to a situation, I’m more likely to kick and scream (figuratively) and do everything in my power to change things. It’s only after I’ve tired myself out pushing the door marked “pull” that I take the time to step back and reconsider my options.

I’m working on this. I don't know if patience will ever become my first choice, but I know I don’t want it to always be my last one, by default, when nothing else seems to work.

Of course there are times when I’m endlessly patient. I’ve recently taken up beading. I will sit for hours adding one tiny bead after another as I work out a pattern. Since I am new at this I often make mistakes. When I find a mistake I don’t get angry at the delay or become frustrated. I simply––and patiently––unpick the beads back to the mistake and correct it. I have lots of time to think while I’m beading and one of the things I’ve realized is that some things just take time. Row after row, the pattern takes shape. Each bead, tiny as it is, plays its part. I can’t hurry it along because if I do, I’m more likely to make a mistake and have to come back later and correct it. And while I enjoy the finished pattern, I also enjoy the process. I let myself fall into a certain rhythm, adding each bead to its proper place. Sounds a lot like life, doesn’t it?

So I wonder, how can I transfer this effortless patience into other areas of my life? I think one difference is that with the beading I’m following a pattern. If I follow the pattern correctly, the outcome is certain. In the other areas of my life, there may be a pattern, but the outcome isn’t so clear.

In meditation recently, I was told “If you could learn to entertain yourself while you are waiting, you wouldn’t need patience.” I guess if I truly knew and trusted that the pattern of events was working its way to the surface, then my part would be to attend to whatever task it is that I’m presented with at the moment. If I do that, then the next step, the next task, presents itself, and so on. I don’t have to stand rigid, teeth clenched and endure the wait. I don’t have to expend my energy in worry and fretting. And patience isn’t a passive quality, either. It's more like a dance where action and rest take place in balance.

So it seems that trust and patience are somehow very closely linked. The more I trust myself, the more patient I will become. And as I become more patient, I am also learning to trust. That doesn't sound so hard. Maybe I can do this.

© 2001, Donna Metcalfe

DONNA METCALFE is the owner of Good Scents, a metaphysical bookstore in Redlands, CA. Her book: Collected Works: a book for the Eclectic Spirit, a collection of her essays is now available at Good Scents and other fine bookstores!

Visit Good Scents' website at: www.goodscents.org
e-mail: goodscents@goodscents.org

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