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May/June 2003 Life Lessons: The Lesson of Fear by David Kessler

David Kessler is the director of Palliative Care for Citrus Valley Hospice in West Covina and co-author of LIFE -LESSONS: Two experts on death and dying teach us about the mysteries of life and living, with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Amazon named it one of the best spiritual books of the year.

Carlos, a forty-five-year-old man diagnosed with HIV, was slowly learning the lesson of power as his disease progressed. “First I lost my job, then my disability ran out, then I lost my insurance. Before I knew it, I was living in a shelter, too sick to work. My life had become a nightmare.

“I was going to a clinic for my health care. They told me about a medical study I might be eligible for. I signed up, had the first physical, and began to wait. One week passed, two, then four weeks and then five. I was getting sicker and sicker. Always being told I would hear next week. I needed to keep checking back, since I no longer had a phone. After seven weeks, I could barely even walk to the clinic. I got so tired and out of breath that I had to sit down on the curb. I looked down at the street and thought, ‘This is it. This is how it will end.’

“I just sat there and thought, ‘Please, not now, not here. I want to see the millennium. I had always wanted to be part of both centuries. I cried because I had lost all power in my life. I felt like my soul was shriveling up. I was losing myself. Did I have to die here?

“Then it hit me: I was still here. Was all my power really gone?

“I managed to get up and make it to the clinic. I said to the nurse, ‘My body needs help. I don’t have time to wait anymore for this study to call me. There must be some other way to get the new drugs.’

“Because I was so insistent, the nurse enrolled me in another program at a different site, which had an opening in their study. That very day, I started on a new combination of medications. Now, two years later, my body has rebuilt itself. I am no longer dying. I can trace it all back to remembering my power that day. If I had not remembered my power, I would have died long ago.”

Our real power is not derived from our positions in life, a hefty bank account, or an impressive career. Instead, it is the expression of that authenticity inside of us, our strength, integrity, and grace externalized. We look around and we see others as powerful, we see nature as powerful, we can witness a seed turning into a flower or the sun crossing the sky. We even see life created in us, from us. Yet we see ourselves as disconnected from all of this power. God did not make nature powerful and man weak. Our power comes from the knowledge that we are unique, and from our understanding that we have the same innate power as all other creations. Our power lies deep within us. It is the power with which we were born. If it has been forgotten, it needs only to be recognized again.

Hospice & Bereavement Services

Citrus Valley Health Partners
820 N. Phillips Ave, West Covina, CA 91791
These classes are free, but you must
pre-register. 626-814-2479 / 888-456-2847
www.cvhp.org

Hospice Open House
Tour the Citrus Valley Hospice Facility.
• Thur / 2-4pm

Children’s Bridge
Children ages 7-11 will learn how to cope with the loss of a loved one.
• Call number above for more info.

Adolescents Bridge
adolescent ages 12-17 will learn how to cope with the loss of a loved one.
• Call number above for more info.

Road to Survival
A support group for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one.