A Seeker's Quest

One of my earliest recollections as a child, along with seeing Mickey Mouse at Disneyland and my mother reading me stories at night, was wondering who I was, who God was, and why I was born. My mother’s contention was that "I was Steven Sadleir and I was born to eat my peas." But I wanted to know more. So, as a child, I started searching and what I discovered is what I would like to share with you now.

If you look at all the denominations of religions, even just Christianity in our western civilization, you see so many interpretations. How is it that people interpret things so differently. Even within a congregation the difference between literal and figurative varies tremendously, and the conclusions drawn and actions taken based on those beliefs, vary considerably. Ultimately, each of us draws our own conclusion, but those conclusions are also based upon what others have said or written.

After speaking to dozens of ministers, as a child searching for a clearer understanding, I resolved to look on my own. I would sit on my own for hours with teddy bears under my arms eyes closed listening to the silence. Within that silence came clarity, not more information, but rather, less distortion. Soon as I could drive, I would take off to the Sierra Nevada mountains to sit alone among the pines and bears to reflect and sit in silence. It was on one of these trips to a mountain top in the Palisades Glacier area––while praying, crying and whining to God––that an inspiration came, my calling. There was no lightening or burning bushes as I came down the mountain, but there certainly was a burning in my heart. What I received was the assurance that if I were to look into every major spiritual path in existence, then my questions would be answered. So on that day, I resolved to embark upon my quest, which resulted in over twenty years of research, three trips around the world, and personal involvement with hundreds of paths and teachers, culminating in two books on the subject: The Spiritual Seeker’s Guide and Looking for God.

I’ll spare you the books I read, for there were thousands, and for the most part they were boring, even the bible has it dry parts. But what a diverse world we live in, how many beliefs, how many cultures, how many rituals and rites, and everyone so sure they have the answers. Let me tell you a secret, few have the answers. Find out for yourself, take a look––those who look, will find. God was right, I was not denied my answer and neither will you be. But you have to give up all that you think, all that you feel, and all that you believe, too. The Truth won’t even fit in your mind, so let it go. Christ didn’t conform to his religion; he sat in the desert, in solitude, in quiet. His actions are his message. Mohammad, too, received his message in a cave in solitude, and Moses on a hilltop alone.

Lesson one is: to be able to listen, your mind must be still.

My first novel experience was of a shamanic nature. I recall, dimly now, sitting with Native Americans in the Anza Borrego Desert. We sat in a sweat lodge––a teepee like covering, raised to very high temperatures, created by "stone people"…large rocks heated by a sacrificial fire to awaken the spirit.

After cleansing ourselves, the peyote took its affect. This little cactus unleashed a powerful psychotropic affect, which shatters our perception of reality. Time and space, physical sense and mental faculties all initiated a powerful realization that my perceptions and state of mind could be radically altered. Whether the actual physical phenomenon was real or not, didn’t matter. The fact that my experiences with reality were altered, provided an opening to consider that things may not always be as they seem. Similar trance induced experiences with the Druids in Wales, with Wiccan circles and Voodoo dances, all provided glimpses into perceiving reality in new ways. A near death-experience, caused by an allergic reaction to anesthesia, provided an early glimpse to experiencing awareness out-of-the-body––I could observe myself on the operating table being brought back to "life." It occurred to me that I was not my body, that my spirit was tangible, and that love was the reason for my existence. This awareness proved a pivotal shift that changed my life.

I can remember traveling with a shaman in Borneo, and feeling his connection with the spirit within the animals and the trees, as if we were all connected to the organism of the jungle––the Gaia of the planet earth. This interconnectedness occurred again and again, as I traveled with the Aboriginals of Australia, sat with a medium in England, and took refuge and initiation, with Kalu Rimposhe––a Tibetan Master who sat for years in a cave in the Himalayas. His very glance took me into another world not of physical form or substance. Similar experiences of interconnectedness occurred during group tai chi practice in China, chanting among thousands of people at the ashram of Sai Baba in South India, and experiencing "soul travel" with the participants of Eckankar and the Radhasoami movement. How can a writer explain what a non-physical experience is like? I can’t, but I can validate that these experience can and do occur. Believing, or not believing, is not the point. The experience is valuable and available to those who need or want to have them, and I can state they clearly were valuable for me. But they still did not answer my questions.

I have learned valuable lessons from the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, as well as the corpus of literature and rituals of Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism and the likes. From Scientology to AA to Hari Krishna, each has its gift, each serves its place in the human experience, but nothing provided the answers which I was seeking. It was through the experiences––or rather non-experiences––of bringing my mind to still point that awakened the awareness that was innate within me. By sitting with the masters, by surrendering the knower in me––the very self that was seeking––did the illusion of not knowing disappear. TM’s Maharishi got me started, and Kriya Yoga helped, too. Osho coaxed me further and the Siddha’s pushed me through. One Vethathiri Maharishi opened up some Kundalini within me––the body’s innate intelligent life force––that activated something within, that made it easier for me to sit. The Mahaguru Shivabalayogi once guided me through forty days and nights of still-point meditation to achieve the no-mind state of Samadhi, and the great Jnani yogi Ramana Maharshi helped me to see. But ultimately there was nothing to do and nothing to see and this is my message to you!

Ultimately the answers lie within you. How far from your house do you have to go to find your way home? The Kingdom of Heaven really does lie within. Your own indwelling consciousness is the guru that will set your mind free. I can only placate your mind, inspire you or cause you to question. The world’s spiritual paths have taught me one great lesson: To know God, you must know thy self. To know thy self you must put your attention on the one who is looking to find the answer. Find some quiet time alone with your self, make a date with your own consciousness and come to know it. Observe the observer observing. Your spirit brought you to these words and is causing you to think about this. Now allow this same spirit to guide you down the corridors of your own mind, back to the place before thought occurs. Observe the witness of the meditation. Once realized, you will see…and this will help awaken others and then the whole world can live together in happiness and peace. This is the purpose for which you incarnated.

Steven’s journey’s around the world has given him first hand information on the ancient teachings of many different cultures. He shares these health giving, life extending and beautifying secrets with all at his April Seminar on Anti-Ageing. See ad below.

Steven S. Sadleir is the Founder of the Self Awareness Institute in Laguna Beach, Kundalini Master, Director at the Kaya Kalpa Institute in Madras and author of several books including: The Calling, The Awakening, Yoga Basics. For speaking engagements, workshops or retreats contact 949-387-2280.

March 2002

A Seeker's Quest

by Steven Sadleir